Английский юмор

Изучать английский через шутки и анекдоты намного веселее и проще! В данном разделе собраны разнообразный английский юмор: шутки, смешные высказывания, цитаты, загадки, и многое другое. Представленные здесь шутки будут интересны и полезны как начинающим, так и продолжающим изучение английского.

 Anecdotes

• Blonde on blonde

A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer, who was also a blonde. The cop asked to see the blonde's driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated. "What does it look like?" she finally asked. The policewoman replied, "It's square and it has your picture on it." The driver finally found a square mirror, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. "Here it is," she said. The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "Okay, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop."

• A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder...

  A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimeters from a shop window. For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said, "Look mate, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!"

  The passenger apologized and said, "I didn't realize that a little tap would scare you so much." The driver replied, "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver - I've been driving a funeral van for the last 25 years.

• A policeman spots a woman driving and...

  A policeman spots a woman driving and knitting at the same time. Driving up beside her, he shouts out the window, "Pull over!" "No," she shouts back, "a pair of socks!"

• Trouble with the car

  WIFE: "There's trouble with the car. It has water in the carburettor." HUSBAND: "Water in the carburettor? That's ridiculous." WIFE: "I tell you the car has water in the carburettor." HUSBAND: "You don't even know what a carburettor is. I'll check it out. Where's the car?" WIFE: "In the pool." 

• Radar Gun Error

  An off-duty police officer, familiar with radar guns, drove through a school zone within the legal speed limit when the flash of a camera went off, taking a picture of his license plate.

  The officer, thinking the radar was in error, drove by again; even more slowly. Another flash. He did it again for a third time, at an even slower speed. Same result.

  "This guy must have screwed up the settings," the off-duty officer thought.

  A few weeks later, when he received the violations in the mail, he discovered three traffic tickets:

  Each for not wearing a seat belt!

Mr. Bean - Shopping - Mr. Bean is shopping, at restaurant and meeting the queen full episode